A tip people always give about interviews is to be truthful about what you’re capable of so that they can test you on what you’re capable of and not what you’re not. The problem for me is, I don’t feel like I’m capable of anything?? When I was younger, I would tell people that I was capable of whatever they threw at me, somehow figure it out, and none would be the wiser. But now, it’s a real scramble trying to get my shit together, and it doesn’t always work out.
As you can see, I have a severe lack in confidence. Here’s a tip from me to me (and to any other software engineers lacking in confidence): If they ask you whether you can code, don’t say no. There have been quite a few times when people have asked me “can you code this” or “do you know about this” and the word “no” had been right at the tip of my tongue, my lips already parted to utter the sound, but I clamped my lips shut, swallowed the word, and managed to formulate the general idea of “yes.”
When people ask me about my major (computer science) and what I want to do with it, they always say that I don’t sound excited about it. And that’s worrisome. I mean, for interviews, but also for me, because what does that say about me? On the other hand, people always tell me it’s so cool that I have an entirely self-motivated side project (this blog) that I am so passionate about and consistently keep up with. People inevitably ask me if computer science is what I really want to do, and whether I’ve considered media.
I have never considered blogging professionally and making a living out of it. Friends have asked me (because friends are always supportive haha love them, the same as how if you sing, your friends will tell you to audition for American Idol, back in the day) so the idea has entered my brain, but I always knew that I would never take my blog professionally. I have entertained the idea of going into media, but never seriously and I’ve always approached it with a “haha yeah sure whatever” attitude, aka a “no way” attitude.
But maybe I shouldn’t. Why am I pushing away something I love and trying so hard to grasp at something that I, well, don’t as much? I honestly can’t tell you why. The obvious answer is to pursue what you love, right? But the thing is, I’ve loved and left so many things. What if this is just another one of many?