Every time I passed by these stumps on my way to class, I always wanted to do a photoshoot there. During the last month of college, I finally got around to it. I texted some friends to ask if they would be interested in shooting with me, met up ten minutes before class, lived out our dreams of becoming carefree woodland people, and then ran to make it to class on time.
Now summer has passed and school is starting again. Not for me though. It’s kind of unreal to see everyone around me return to their regular rhythm, without me. Like, hello world?? Look at me?? Struggling?? Help?? But life goes on, for everyone around me, and for me too.
I keep saying, “It’s okay. You’re fine. Next month will be better. Everything will finally be sorted out.” I’ve been saying it all summer. Alas, the months come and go, and I’m still saying the same thing. It’s getting harder and harder to see the end of this transitory period of my life. Is the rest of my life going to be just that? A transition? To… dEATH??
What is all this for? So much has happened, yet I find myself back here, in the same place as I was at the beginning of summer. I can’t help but feel a little deflated. I’m still looking for a place to live. I’m still looking for a job. Now don’t feel too bad for me — I’ve had several great leads in both departments, but until something actually pans out, it’s all just smoke and mirrors. So… how long am I going to be here, stuck in this period of my life?
It’s time I gave myself a kick in the butt from all this moping. I can’t keep waiting for when life “settles down.” Because it’s not going to. I will always be in transition. It will always be a process. Life. is. a. fricken. journey. We hear it all the time, and I’ve understood it to different extents at different times in my life. Right now, I need to hear it to remind myself that this transitory period is not a sidenote in the story of my life. Things are happening right now, and I need to be there for them.
Even though all the back and forth decisions I’ve made this summer have led me back to the same place, I think I needed for all those things that happened in between to happen in order for me to realise what I do now, to be comfortable and at peace with where I am, and to be better prepared to embrace what the future has in store for me.
But ya know, if life settles down, that’s cool too :3
PS: campus shoot with alex, campus shoot with austin, adidas shoot with kat, more photoshoots