This past semester has been the roughest semester yet, but let’s not dwell on that. Instead, I’m constantly reminding myself that I just have two weeks of classes and one week of finals left. I can do it! Then I can put this semester behind me, have a fantastic winter break back in China and Taiwan with my family, and look forward to a better semester ahead. It’s probably bad that I just started watching Orphan Black and I’m hooked.

I’ve been feeling okay, but idk if that’s because I’ve dissociated from my emotions and responsibilities or because I just have a really healthy approach to handling the chaos of nearing the end of term. I’ve just got three more days of school before I’m let off for Thanksgiving break, which I’ll be spending with my closest girlfriends in NYC, which is what we did last year and we had so much fun, so I’m v excited!

I can’t believe that this is real life. Perhaps I was naive to think that I wouldn’t feel so personally and emotionally affected, but I did. The beginning of the week was high energy with anticipation. On Tuesday I woke up at 6:30AM to get to the polls when the opened at 7:00AM and my heart was racing all day. I stared at GIFs to steady my breathing, but nevertheless it was shallow breaths for most of it. All evening, I couldn’t bring myself to do any work or anything really except stare at the election map and watch the results roll in. At 11:00PM I couldn’t take it anymore and went to bed. At 2:00AM I woke up to the nightmare of the presidential election results and stayed up until 4:00AM watching the live coverage, watching the nightmare become reality.

This was my first time voting. I took at least twenty photos of my “I Voted” sticker on my way back to campus from the voting polls. I knew I would make one of them the photo accompanying my weekly Happy List. How fantastic was it that my first vote was for a woman? But as the evening unfolded, my excitement turned to panic.

When I can’t find words, I look for them in others: I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed to have been an outspoken Hillary supporter. I am not ashamed to have cast my ballot for an intelligent, strong-willed, hard-working woman who has spent her entire career fighting for women and children. Today, we made a mistake America. We let fear get the best of us, allowed a misogynistic, racist, accusatory, fear mongering man bring out the worst in us. But we will persevere. It is what we do. This is the ultimate test of the American spirit. It’s on us to prove that we are stronger together, that our diversity is what makes us great and keeps us great. To those who felt so strongly fearful and who felt as though their democracy was taken from them, we will forgive you, not now, but in the future. I weep for you not understanding that America is great because America is good, there is no great again. America is great because the people are great. Today, we will walk in fear, we will walk heartbroken, but we will not be ashamed. Because we are stronger together. I believe that, still. Truly, I do. –Kat

Check out this article my friend Kevin wrote for the The Clerk, Haverford’s independent student newspaper.

It’s at times like these that I need a Happy List to remind me of all that is good.